By a grateful recovering alcoholic

The best thing that ever happened to me was accepting that I was an alcoholic. When I admitted I was an alcoholic, it wasn’t because I was enjoying my life. Quite the opposite. My addiction to alcohol had cost me my dignity, self respect, marriage, job and health. I was desperately lonely and had arrived at the jumping off place – physical, mental and spiritual rock bottom. I drank to try and fill the inner void that had grown within. In the early days alcohol had given me a great sense of comfort and ease that I lacked. These days had long gone. I was a shivering denizen of King Alcohol, scared to leave the house unless the craving to get more of the poison that was killing me was too great.

I joined a Fellowship of men and women who helped me stay off alcohol in August 2003 at the age of 33. I trusted no one and believed in nothing. I didn’t want to die but dreaded the thought of living another day. Today it is a very different reality. I love my life and the world I was once so afraid of. I have been relieved of the self-centred fear that once held me captive. I have faith that everything is just as it should be and ‘I’ and everybody else plays a vital part in the world as a whole. I now know that there is good in all of us. I feel a new ‘connectedness’ to my fellow human beings – I belong! Today, I feel comfortable in my own skin.

I now know the difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ and feel humble that all my needs are miraculously provided for. I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude that is so strong it makes my toes curl and amazes me on a daily basis. Today I look upon the world and nature with a great sense of awe and curiosity. I now live a structured life based on the principles of a 12 Step Recovery Programme. It is a spiritual programme of recovery. I pray to God on a daily basis and attend regular meeting of my chosen Fellowship. Within this Fellowship, I see people who use this programme as a basis for their daily living. They are beautiful, kind people who have shown me ‘how’ with great and gentle love and compassion. With great patience, they have taught me how to change and develop a more spiritual existence. It has been a miraculous transformation, which in turn deepens my spiritual belief, humility and gratitude.

I pray that I have expressed the depth of my gratitude and explained why - for me, being an alcoholic has been the best thing that could ever have happened. The truth has set me free.

(Working The Twelve Steps)