WHAT CATHY IS TALKING ABOUT
Don’t be misled by the photograph, Cathy Fava is not talking about getting a man to wear an apron, she is simply summing up her feelings having attended the international Catholic conference, “Marriage & Family Life”, held at Ushaw college over the weekend of October 20th – 22nd. Cathy was one of our official diocesan representatives. She goes on, “The speakers were varied and challenging. The emphasis was on the family being a holy place and that this includes the ordinary experiences of everyday family life as well as the more obvious spiritual activities based around prayer and church. We looked at how to help families become more aware of the spirituality of family life. The importance of suffering and brokenness within families as a means of sanctification and the fact that holy families are not perfect families was beautifully described. We also heard about the different types of spirituality emerging from marriage and the family.”

HOW IT ALL BEGAN
In 2004 the Bishops of England and Wales asked families to talk about what life is really like for them: their joys and sorrows, their hopes. Talk they did; over 15,000 of them. Every diocese listened to them in one way or another. Some were shocked by what they heard and there was some shooting of messengers bringing bad news. But there was great honesty and out of what those 15,000 families had to say, grew the report, “Not Easy, But Full of Meaning.” In the report Bishop John Hine, speaking on behalf of all the Bishops, recognised the need two urgent needs: · to share an understanding of homes as places of life, love, service, teaching, fellowship, witness and prayer and · to celebrate the presence of God as love in all loving family relationships. The conference at Ushaw tried to answer those needs. It was called “Releasing Formidable Energy” from the words of the late Pope John Paul II, “The family possesses and continues still to release formidable energies” - Familiaris Consortio

THE MOST POWERFUL TESTIMONY ABOUT FAITH AND LIFE I HAVE EVER HEARD
Simon Stewart
For both my wife and I the weekend at Ushaw came alive in a special way with the contributions of two people. First David Thomas, father of 7 and, (would you believe it?), foster father of 75, stood before us complete with apron as if to underline the sacramental nature of everyday life. He then proceeded to explain the energy of the Trinity and its part in our daily lives going on to unite the spiritual and the sexual saying, “We, like Jesus,” he said, “are words of God made flesh.”

Then there was, what I do not hesitate to say quite simply the most powerful testimony about faith and life I have ever heard. Dr. Kathleen Chesto spoke of ‘Family Spirituality in Times of Hurt, Conflict, Tension, Despair and Loss’. The title itself could have put people off, but she was funny, deeply personal, full of hope and challenging. She debunked the myth of the perfect family, quoting Leonard Cohen, “There is a crack in everything – That’s how the light gets in.”

In a spell binding retelling of the Prodigal Son, she demonstrated how the Father’s unconditional love and forgiveness enabled the son to heal, “Lack of forgiveness gives Evil power over our lives”. She also underlined the key role of parents – the one perhaps we all dread most – that of giving our children ‘roots and wings’. Building them up so that they might finally fly the nest securely and confidently.

She concluded by describing religion as the bridge between the sacred and secular but suggested that we have become fixated on the bridge, rather than the other shore. Young people in particular have decided to jump in the river and swim for themselves! This challenge demands a rethinking and a return to the Gospel.

At the end of the talk, I felt the exhaustion of having gone through every emotion. I also felt the strong need of blessing. For someone who has gone though so much (she suffers from MS), the life-force within her is remarkably powerful. She had been a profound channel of the Holy Spirit and I felt a little sad that as a Church we are slow to recognise the Holy Spirit’s unless ordained hands minister it. Coming away I asked myself two questions.

• Are those of us who are blessed or lucky enough to have happy and stable families ready to overlook the messiness of others’ lives and welcome them home
• Dare we go out to meet them on the road, loving them even while they are ‘still a long way off’ (Luke 15:20)?

FACTS AND FIGURES FROM THE USHAW CONFERENCE
Over 120 people took part in Releasing Formidable Energy at Ushaw College, Oct 20-22 2006, the first stage of reflecting on themes and strategies for Home is a Holy Place 2007.
Participants came from every diocese, representing a range of lay and ordained church experience in parishes, dioceses, organisations, communities, departments and agencies of the Bishops’ Conference.
Ten places were fully funded by donations; even so young people and BME families were clearly underrepresented. 32% of delegates were married couples attending together. 31% were married people attending without their spouse. 25% were ordained clergy or religious. There were a sprinkling of single, separated, divorced and widowed participants. Most of those married, separated, divorced or widowed were parents.
One delegate travelled from Australia, another from Ireland; a handful of delegates came from other Christian communities. One child (age 12 months) attended with his parents.

ORGANISATIONS REPRESENTED AT THE USHAW CONFERENCE:

• Archbishops Council, Church of England;
• Association of Interchurch Families;
• Bethany Family Institute;
• Care for the Family;
• Catholic Education Service;
• Catholic Children's Society (Arundel & Brighton, Portsmouth & Southwark);
• Catholic Children's Society (Westminster);
• Catholic Youth Services;
• Margaret Beaufort Institute of Theology;
• Marriage Care;
• Mothers' Union;
• National Board of Catholic Women;
• Networking Catholic Education Today;
• Our Lady's Catechists;
• Rainbows for all God's Children;
• Retrouvaille in England and Wales;
• St Bede's Institute;
• Teams of Our Lady;
• Verbum Dei Community;
• Worldwide Marriage Encounter

Two fundamental gifts parents can give their children:
1. Roots in love, tradition, faith and family
2. Freedom to live their lives their own way

• The cracks caused by hurt and conflict can also be the way that light gets in.
• The Prodigal Son is Jesus’ story of a holy family
• Holiness for families involves putting skin on God. Making God present. Allowing God in.

CONFERENCE OVERVIEW
Willie Slavin
Willie Slavin from Kells, in West Cumbria, was at the conference for the magazine “Networking Catholic Education Today” of which he is assistant editor. The Voice has borrowed from his report to give our readers an overview of what it those three days at Ushaw were like.

Gathered at Ushaw were representatives of every diocese and of about thirty Catholic organisations. It was a well-planned, carefully organised event. Excellent speakers included, Kathleen Chesto, Thomas Knieps-Port le Roi, David Thomas and Rick McCord. Among those referred to as, Small Group Facilitators, was our own Fr Peter Verity. Behind it all is the national team led by the diminutive but tireless Mrs Elizabeth Davies.

Under the banner of “Home is a Holy Place” each of the speakers focussed on different aspects of family spirituality.

• Dr David Thomas (USA), a man of such immense personal and academic experience of family ministry, that he had been invited as an adviser to the Synod of Bishops in 1980 which produced Familiaris Consortio, which is referred to in the very title of the conference. David stressed that family spirituality went way beyond family prayer, much more than simply “the family that prays together.” He reminded us that every moment is potentially graced by God, quoting St. Paul, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” Cor. 10:31
• Dr Kathleen Chesto was happy to quote the Canadian poet and folk singer, Leonard Cohen, “Where did we go wrong?” This surely the question most frequently asked by parents whose children have strayed. Her own experience as a parent allowed her to empathise with all those people who had responded in their despair and isolation from a deeply felt sense of failure and abandonment. In her view, ‘Families who have no experience of disruption are not perfect or holy they are just plain lucky.’ Holiness is what happens in time of crisis, as illustrated vividly in her own story. The cracks are where the light gets in. The Spirit, in Genesis, hovers over the waters of chaos and it is out of chaos that creation comes.
• Dr Thomas Knieps-Port le Roi, of Leuven University was the more academic of the speakers but gave us a fascinating and very helpful reading of the limited range of literature on the subject. drawing an important distinction between marital and family spirituality, a distinction not previously recognised in existing material. The marital relationship requires a quite different spirituality to that of the parental. Sustaining the marriage underpins the family and requires special attention.
• All this led to a serious conversation and debate, which culminated in a very practical final group session, where dreams were turned into reality in an action planning exercise. The show goes on but Bishop John Hine and Elizabeth Davies, with their willing helpers, will wisely take time off to recover from a prodigious effort of organisation, before taking on the next stage of this most impressive of journeys.

BE PART OF THINGS
The Bishops’ “Listening” exercise back in 2004 is really only now getting underway. The next part is called “Home is a Holy Place”. It is not too late for you to get involved. Go to this web site, http://www.celebratingfamily.org.uk/ Sign up for the monthly email newsletter by emailing Elizabeth.Davies@CBCEW.Org.uk This will keep you fully informed of what’s happening next which is much better than reading about it in The Voice when it is all over and done.

BRINGING IT ALL HOME
The Ushaw conference produced some helpful hints and advice on how we can get things going at a parish level. Here are just a few.
1. Affirm the life of the family as holy, good and important in the eyes of God through meetings for Use key sacramental moments, parenting courses, and parish missions to affirm the holiness of marriage and family life.
2. Publicise and encourage domestic rituals and blessings.
3. Use existing small groups within the parish to awaken families to the holiness that is present in family life and in personal relationships
4. Provide an audio visual display at the back of church to raise awareness of the holiness of homes Help married couples to reflect on their lived experiences of married life and to discern the spirituality in their lives.

IT’S STILL VOGUE TO GET MARRIED IN CHURCH SAYS SURVEY
Getting married in a church is still the preferred wedding choice, according to the results of a survey released today. Although this is the picture across the majority of the country, couples in the South seem to be bucking the trend as they are just as likely to choose a civil ceremony.

In a nation wide survey of 20-60 year olds, 60% had chosen a traditional church wedding leaving civil ceremonies trailing. 30% chose registry offices and only 10% opted for a licensed venue such as a hotel.

The results also showed that the younger the person the more likely he/she was to marry in a church, with 66% of those in their 20s and 30s versus only 50% of those over 40.

By region, those in Northern Ireland were the most likely to marry in a church with those in the South the least likely.

Kevin McNamee, of Wedding Invitation UK (www.weddinginvitationuk.co.uk) who commissioned the survey, says: “We noticed that many of our customers were ordering their wedding stationery with traditional wording rather than the more informal words favoured for civil ceremonies. But these results really surprised me. It just goes to show that when it comes to weddings, the more traditional approach is still what couples want.”

KEY POINTS FROM DAVID THOMAS

• Homes are holy places because all of God’s creation is holy (Hopkins: ‘these things were here and but the beholder wanting’) 1 Cor 10:31
• Families are involved in God’s ongoing life – just as the universe is expanding so too is God’s life-giving love (most intimately) in married and family life.
• Where two or three are gathered, there I am. Matt. 18:20
• What is needed is presence to each other (in the moment) and awareness – key spiritual practices
• See all with three sets of eyes: of the flesh, of the mind, of the spirit or soul
• Church in its history has not focussed overly on family although family imagery and language has been integrated into Church life.
• Interest in marital & family spirituality a relatively recent development in the Church.

LAST WORD
“Families actually live a great deal of holiness in the love they live but they have never named it and claimed it as such,” said Bishop John Hine, Chairman of the Committee for Marriage & Family Life of the Bishops’ Conference. “When you read the Listening 2004 report the generous self-giving of time, attention, love, forgiveness, affirmation, support and so on jump out of the pages. But none of this was identified as family spirituality! We clearly need to do more to identify and celebrate God’s presence at home.”